It's 4:50 am, I've been awake since 3:15am, around 4:00am I gave up going back to sleep when my stomach started growling. I got up went downstairs started a load of laundry (would have unloaded the dish washer if it wasn't such a noisy task of plates and cups clamoring together) and had my breakfast at 4:15am. Breakfast is 1/2 of an english muffin toasted with peanut butter - yummy! The bad news is that was the last half of english muffins and now I don't have breakfast for my normal 7:30am breakfast time. There's no hope for getting any more good sleep tonight. If I do fall asleep I will finally reach that deep sleep about 5 minutes before my alarm goes off....which is about the worst thing that can happen! So I obviously have a lot on mind, and I thought I would write it all out so maybe sleep will come tomorrow night.
I know things are going to change in a big way once the baby is born...but I really don't know how big, and since I'm not a mother (at least to a child outside of a womb) I know that I can't fully comprehend how motherhood/parenting will change our lives. So here are the things I know/don't know:
- I know that I am going to love my child a ridiculous amount, but I really don't know what that deep love is going to feel like. I hear your heart grows the moment you meet your child, and it feels as if it's going to burst with love. I am so looking forward to that moment of meeting our child!
- I know I will look back at this "sleepless night" and laugh with a delirious laugh that only comes from true sleep deprivation. I don't know what true sleep deprivation feels like. Unless you count my days at CHEERSPORT when we used to hand check crossovers on the schedule for 800 teams, work 18 hours days leading up to Nationals, and then work 20 hours days over Nationals...that was a drop in the bucket compared to some people's jobs. That lasted only a few weeks not a few years...yikes!
- This is one I don't want to admit one bit....so I'll rephrase it a bit. I hear your dog gets essentially forgotten...eek! I know Hans will inevitably not get the same amount of attention he gets now. That's common sense. Caring for a newborn takes a lot of time - but I can't imagine feeling left out of the family. He is such a loyal companion and family member. He makes us smile and laugh every day! I am going to do my best in keeping up his pet/rub count and for his sake his daily treat intake : ) Petting him makes me feel better - it is very calming - I'm sure I'll need that calming mechanism...right? Can someone back me up on this one?
- I know caring for a newborn/baby is not all smiles, cuddles, coos, and have your "ice cream with a cherry on top" moments, however, I really don't know what to expect. So for now, I'll keep reading my baby/parenting books and keep dreaming of those smiles and cuddles...no sense in dreaming of being drowned in diapers, cries, and spit-up...right?
I'm sure there are many more knowns/unknowns I could share with you, but I'll stop there. If you read this much you at least deserve a picture to look at! If you follow me on Instagram or you are my facebook friend you have seen these pictures (taken with iPhone, I believe I used my PicTapGo app to edit). In honor of our first child, Hans, here is his portrait I had made for Sam's birthday. It's a beautiful watercolor and I can't wait to hang it in the baby's room!